I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
