A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
