at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize