You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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