I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
