that's an acceptable place to lick
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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