I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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