My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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