I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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