I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
