I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
