Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
