didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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