she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
