i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
