how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize