Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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