I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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