and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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