so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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