I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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