Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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