Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
