Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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