Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize