apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
