i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
