It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
