Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
