ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
