I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
