It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize