you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
