cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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