it's like iHOP with fire
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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