my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
