forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
