I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
