Swine flu. Run for my life!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
