whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
