Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
