So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
