it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
