If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize