At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
