Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize