I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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