yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
