Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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