I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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