Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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