I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
