is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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