All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
