so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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