By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
