just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
