Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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