she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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