some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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