Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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