Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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