yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
