You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
