Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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