True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize