I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
