just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
