I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
