i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
