I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
