So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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