coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
