just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
