Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize