I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
