If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
