Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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