She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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