I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
