i just had sex bonerless
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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