we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
