This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
