Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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