he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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