Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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