her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize