We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
try to milk me bitch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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