if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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