Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
