I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
