On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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