i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
