Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
