i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
