He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
