She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
