just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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