just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
