I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
