My room smells like vodka and shame
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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