My first STD was from a foam party
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize