you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
