just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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