do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is my gift to your gina
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
