He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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