come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
