I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
