so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
