So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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