sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
