I puked a lego.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
