If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
