Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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