There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
