pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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