Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
