"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
