I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
