On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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