took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i out mim tonsoeep
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