2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
